Question #3 Past Hurts



#1  ‘What does a woman who has been hurt in the past by men do?  If it’s almost impossible for her to trust a man to lead her?  Even Godly men can and have failed her.”

Answer:  The first response that came to my mind regarding what you should do after being hurt is to forgive.  While that may not be the answer she wanted to hear, Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well.” clearly commands that we must forgive, if we want to be forgiven.  

The other thought that comes to my mind & heart is how huge the price we pay for sin.  See – she feels it is impossible to trust a man to lead her, which entangles her in the web of the enemies lies.  The enemy knows that the design of God for marriage is that the husband is the leader, so it is tempting her to sin by not wanting trust him to lead.  So, when Godly men sin, when they have “failed” to live up to the standard of holiness and integrity that he is called to do, it causes someone to stumble.  And scripture has a pretty strong word about that. “Jesus said to his disciples, Offenses will surely come, but woe to the one they come through!

You keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.  Learn about His character and the way He teaches you to love and what that looks like.  Start with the whole chapter of 1st Corinthians 13.  Pray for healing, then walk in the freedom  that the Holy Spirit brings.  Don’t listen to the whispers of the enemy trying to keep you bound to a hopeless future.  Live out your life with purpose and intention to share the good news of Jesus Christ with others, love people and learn how to be friends with guys in your life.  God has raised up some great men of God and they want to be like Him and the want to love like Him.  Wait for one of those while you are serving Jesus.

#2  I am incapable of giving a guy my heart because even the most awesome guy I have dated has cheated on me, etc.  How will I be able to love someone if God put him into my life?  (Because I am now cold-hearted towards men)

Answer:  It is devastating when trust is broken.  (See answer above regarding sin and consequences) But, that deep wound is not too complex for an omnipotent God.  He is the restorer of all things.  He restores beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3), he also renews your mind, when you offer Him your life as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:2) – so the “cold-hearted” feeling you have, as well as feeling “incapable” of loving again is just not true in God’s design of things.  In Ezekiel 37 we see a valley of dry bones which represents the lost hope of God’s people.  However, God tells Ezekiel that when he speaks Gods Truth to them, that they will be restored to life and recognize that He is God.  Sure enough, when Ezekiel speaks to the bones their breath and skin and muscles are all restored and it says they stood up as a mighty army!  This can  be you, precious friend.  You are not destined to stay in the valley with a hopeless, incapable ability to love a man and have an enduring marriage.  Listen to the Truth and walk in it – even if you don’t feel it.  Walk in the knowledge that God is faithful and He will always keep His promises.

#3 How do you go about speaking about past relationships with your significant other?

Answer:  Very carefully.  If you have asked the Lord to forgive you, then you are waking in the purity that His sacrificial blood was spilled for.  So, it not for forgiveness or to be redeemed that you would share any of the issues of your past.  However, I feel that any issues that could have a direct impact on the future of your relationship, especially a marriage – should be shared with the discretion that the Holy Spirit allows.  For example – if you have had multiple sexual partners, or engaged in any behaviors like sharing drugs and needles and any other narcotic that could impact your health in the future.    These should be shared while you are still at the friend level in order to give grace to the one listening.  It allows them to determine if these issues of your past are “deal breakers” for them or if they can pursue you with peace and joy at  how God has set  you free from those issues. James 5:16 says to “Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.  The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.”   Listen to the Holy Spirit and follow  His prompting about when and how much should be shared.  He is always right.

#4  Being a Christian who has messed up in regards to purity how do you come back from that?

Answer:  By the power of an almighty God that has shed His redemptive blood for you enables you to “come back” from that and anything else that you have done that falls short of God’s glory.  “For without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sin.”  (Hebrews 9:22)    I hope that you will find more help in the answers already given.  Should you have something that is unresolved, please feel free to email me:

Next week:  Physical intimacy

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