Monthly Archives: March 2014

Question #3 Past Hurts



#1  ‘What does a woman who has been hurt in the past by men do?  If it’s almost impossible for her to trust a man to lead her?  Even Godly men can and have failed her.”

Answer:  The first response that came to my mind regarding what you should do after being hurt is to forgive.  While that may not be the answer she wanted to hear, Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well.” clearly commands that we must forgive, if we want to be forgiven.  

The other thought that comes to my mind & heart is how huge the price we pay for sin.  See – she feels it is impossible to trust a man to lead her, which entangles her in the web of the enemies lies.  The enemy knows that the design of God for marriage is that the husband is the leader, so it is tempting her to sin by not wanting trust him to lead.  So, when Godly men sin, when they have “failed” to live up to the standard of holiness and integrity that he is called to do, it causes someone to stumble.  And scripture has a pretty strong word about that. “Jesus said to his disciples, Offenses will surely come, but woe to the one they come through!

You keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.  Learn about His character and the way He teaches you to love and what that looks like.  Start with the whole chapter of 1st Corinthians 13.  Pray for healing, then walk in the freedom  that the Holy Spirit brings.  Don’t listen to the whispers of the enemy trying to keep you bound to a hopeless future.  Live out your life with purpose and intention to share the good news of Jesus Christ with others, love people and learn how to be friends with guys in your life.  God has raised up some great men of God and they want to be like Him and the want to love like Him.  Wait for one of those while you are serving Jesus.

#2  I am incapable of giving a guy my heart because even the most awesome guy I have dated has cheated on me, etc.  How will I be able to love someone if God put him into my life?  (Because I am now cold-hearted towards men)

Answer:  It is devastating when trust is broken.  (See answer above regarding sin and consequences) But, that deep wound is not too complex for an omnipotent God.  He is the restorer of all things.  He restores beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3), he also renews your mind, when you offer Him your life as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:2) – so the “cold-hearted” feeling you have, as well as feeling “incapable” of loving again is just not true in God’s design of things.  In Ezekiel 37 we see a valley of dry bones which represents the lost hope of God’s people.  However, God tells Ezekiel that when he speaks Gods Truth to them, that they will be restored to life and recognize that He is God.  Sure enough, when Ezekiel speaks to the bones their breath and skin and muscles are all restored and it says they stood up as a mighty army!  This can  be you, precious friend.  You are not destined to stay in the valley with a hopeless, incapable ability to love a man and have an enduring marriage.  Listen to the Truth and walk in it – even if you don’t feel it.  Walk in the knowledge that God is faithful and He will always keep His promises.

#3 How do you go about speaking about past relationships with your significant other?

Answer:  Very carefully.  If you have asked the Lord to forgive you, then you are waking in the purity that His sacrificial blood was spilled for.  So, it not for forgiveness or to be redeemed that you would share any of the issues of your past.  However, I feel that any issues that could have a direct impact on the future of your relationship, especially a marriage – should be shared with the discretion that the Holy Spirit allows.  For example – if you have had multiple sexual partners, or engaged in any behaviors like sharing drugs and needles and any other narcotic that could impact your health in the future.    These should be shared while you are still at the friend level in order to give grace to the one listening.  It allows them to determine if these issues of your past are “deal breakers” for them or if they can pursue you with peace and joy at  how God has set  you free from those issues. James 5:16 says to “Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.  The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.”   Listen to the Holy Spirit and follow  His prompting about when and how much should be shared.  He is always right.

#4  Being a Christian who has messed up in regards to purity how do you come back from that?

Answer:  By the power of an almighty God that has shed His redemptive blood for you enables you to “come back” from that and anything else that you have done that falls short of God’s glory.  “For without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sin.”  (Hebrews 9:22)    I hope that you will find more help in the answers already given.  Should you have something that is unresolved, please feel free to email me:

Next week:  Physical intimacy

Questions Answered #2 WAITING


Isaiah 40:28-31 “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” (Emphasis is mine)

1. How to wait for the person God has for you?
Answer: I know what you are asking, but my answer is going to “re-direct” you. The way “wait” for the person, is to wait for God. Think of a “waiter” in a restaurant. Why are they called that? My thoughts are because they are “waiting” for whatever it is you need them to do for you. They come when you need them, they replenish, refill and try to do everything they can to meet your needs while there. I think this is a beautiful illustration of what we do when we are “waiting” on God to do or respond to our petitions & the desires of our heart. You SERVE him – that’s how you “wait”.
It’s not an idle wait – it’s an active, hopeful, energetic wait. So my encouragement to you is to focus your “waiting” on the one who knows everything you need & hope for. Be about His business and obeying His call on your life. THAT is when waiting gets really fun.

2. What are some good ways to be patient when waiting?
a. Drink in all the truths of Gods word – memorize the principles, stories, verses that will equip you to live a Godly life – one ready for any occasion to give a reason for the hope that is in you. Missions & Ministry!
b. Study the characteristics of a Godly man or woman that scripture teaches & that we learned about in this “True Love” series and practice them all the time. You do not have to wait for marriage to be a great man or woman of God. BE that now.
c. Love people – just give your life away.

3. How would I go about waiting on a girl who may not exhibit some of these traits? (These were discussed in the Bible study session)
Answer: I am hearing you say you want to wait on a girl that does not exhibit all of the Biblical traits and disciplines a wife/woman should have. If this is a correct understanding – I am thankful you are waiting. Refer to my previous answer in #1 about HOW to wait. But, included in your “waiting” for God, should be to pray for the girl to mature and be strengthened in her walk with Christ. Remember – no man or girl is going to be perfectly mature in all aspects of their disciplines. What you
want to see is a life lived out in pursuit of these. She is faithfully keeping her eyes on Jesus and fighting through her weaker areas in order to have them refined by Gods workmanship.
Philippians 3:12Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, But I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.”

4. How can I be sure a man’s heart is truly in pursuit of my heart? I want to wait on the man whom God has saved for me, but how can I be sure I’m not missing out on the right man?
Answer: Your only assurance is to observe the fruit of the Spirit in his life and look for the Biblical disciplines we talked about in our study of Boaz & Jesus. Watch for these & see if they are exercised authentically & continuously, not just toward you, but toward all people. Marrying someone always involves a measure of faith. NOT blind faith, but a faith in what you see in his life now & will have to trust that will be what
you see 14 years from now.
Now regarding “the man God has saved for me” & not “missing out on the right man” – there is some conflict built in here. If God has indeed saved someone in particular for you, He is faithful – He would not relinquish His selection for you, and therefore, your fear of missing out on him is unfounded. However, my encouragement to you is that you be diligent, prayerful & watchful for a man that God would send into your life. See that he is living out the disciplines of a man following after God’s heart. At the same time YOU need to be developing your faith walk as well. Don’t let fear entrap you –
Psalm 27:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
This passage is in the middle of a chapter about God’s provisions when dealing with an enemy. But, the principle is a truth of His character and a promise to us. So “delight” in Him and the desires of your heart may just begin to look like His.

Next week – “The One”